Bullying is when one person acts aggressively towards another person. It often happens more than once. Examples include:
• name-calling
• spreading rumours about people
• taking or damaging someone’s things
• hitting, kicking or hurting another person
• threatening someone or forcing them to do something
• excluding them from activities
• lying to get them into trouble.
Bullying can be serious and can affect your child’s self esteem, schoolwork, social life and health.
Is your child being bullied?
Your child may have been bullied if:
• they come home with cuts or bruises they can’t explain.
• their clothes or belongings are damaged or missing.
• they don’t want to go to school.
• they seem depressed, moody or sensitive.
How can I help my child?
Tell your child you are worried about them and encourage them to talk. It is important to keep good communication open and not react too strongly, even when you’re worried. All children need support and hugs, and someone to listen and look out for them.
Talk about the next step with your child.
If it happened at school, contact the teacher or principal. Don’t contact the bully’s parents before you speak to the school – they will have a system for dealing with bullying issues. If you don’t feel things improve or you’re unhappy with their policy on bullying, contact the school again. You can also contact your school Board of Trustees or the Police to discuss any bullying concerns.
Even if the bullying has taken place on the way to or from school, you still need to talk to the principal about it. The school should still assist you in dealing with this. Try to arrange for your child to walk with an older child or an adult. If the bullying happened at an out of school activity, talk to the supervisor. They, too, should have strategies for dealing with this
Practical steps include:
• encourage your child to take up extra activities, such as sport, dance classes or music lessons – this may help their confidence and they can meet new friends
• try to role play bullying situations with your child
• suggest they ignore the bullying but bear in mind that this is difficult for a child to do.
Talk about why they might be getting bullied but be very careful not to make it seem s as if you’re blaming them for this situation.
^ TO TOP What to do if your child is a bully
Take it seriously – children who bully often get into trouble when they get older. It’s important to stop this behaviour now. Make it clear that bullying is not OK and try to get your child to see things from the bullied child’s perspective. Talk to your child’s teacher or school counsellor, and discuss the situation with them. Encourage your child to get involved in sporting and other activities. The skills they learn from being part of a team can help build up a greater awareness of other people’s feelings.
Have clear rules at home for your child’s behaviour. Work with the school so that there is consistency. Praise good behaviour, and make sure that bad behaviour is punished in a non-physical and non-aggressive way, such as taking away privileges. If you punish children physically, you encourage bullying behaviour. Even when you are unhappy with your child’s behaviour you still need to love and nurture your child. All children need support and hugs.
If you are concerned about your child’s behaviour, you can call Are You Okay, 0800 456 450.
Check out Children and Young People: Bullying in our section for children and young people.
Internet and text bullying
Cyberbullying is bullying over the internet or through cellphones, and is when hurtful messages about someone or pictures are sent through texts and emails, or posted on blogs and webpages.
Some children think that they can’t talk to their parents about cyberbullying because their parents won’t understand and might stop them from using their computer or phone. Learn about the internet so you can talk to your children about their online interests. Position your home computer in the kitchen or living area and have clear rules about the using the internet and cellphones. Teach your children to be very careful who they give their cellphone number to and tell them not to give it to people they don’t know.
Children don’t always realise how many people will be able to access personal information they put online. As with many adults, they can be more uninhibited than in face-to-face contact. Teach them not to post personal details and to be aware that the people they meet in chatrooms or through texts may be older than they say they are. See children and young people’s section for more guidelines on internet safety.
Cellphones are more difficult to monitor but do check out the features on your child’s phone and talk to them about using them safely, such as not replying to texts from unfamiliar numbers or responding to nuisance or unpleasant text messages.
What you can do
Tell your child they are not alone. Call the Internet Safety Group on their free helpline 0508 638 723. Get in touch with the phone company – they can block bullying texts, change numbers or, in some situations, bar bullies from their network.
^ TO TOP Useful links
The New Zealand Police bullying website: www.nobully.org.nz/grownup.htm
For more information on cyberbullying see:
www.netsafe.org.nz
www.symantec.com
www.itsafe.govt.uk
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