Managing behaviour for under-fives
Under fives are such raw personalities. They are naturally self-centred and want everything now. They have a lot to learn, yet their ability to think and use language is still developing. It’s a challenging time to be a parent or caregiver.
It’s also a time of huge delight as the baby and then the toddler become a preschooler and their own character develops. These are the years that lay the foundation for the happy, confident and capable school child and teenager. Good luck! Enjoy!
Young children want to please – they want to get it right. The key to managing your young child’s behaviour is to be consistent, but also warm and loving and giving space for the child to learn and experiment. Young children usually like routine. This helps them make sense of the world around them.
What works?
• Giving lots of love to and nurturing your child.
• Praising your child – they’ll repeat the behaviour you like.
• Saying what you want them to do in clear language that they can understand.
• Teaching your child about simple consequences.
• Trying to see things through their eyes.
• Staying patient.
• Making your house child-friendly by moving your precious things so you don’t have to say ‘don’t touch that’ all the time.
• Not saying ‘no’ and ‘don’t’ all the time. Turn it around to a positive - say what it is that you do want, suggest an alternative or explain why something has to stop. For example, instead of saying ‘no, you can’t paint’, try to find a time when they can ‘maybe after Te Kohanga Reo’. Instead of saying ‘don’t run down the hall’, explain ‘walk in the house or you might slip on the floorboards and hurt yourself’.
• Keeping your expectations realistic and don’t expect behaviour that your child isn’t capable of yet
What doesn’t work?
It doesn’t work to withdraw love, or yell and scream or smack. These don’t tell your child what’s wrong and how you want their behaviour to change. It can tell your child that you don’t like them and that it’s okay to hit other people. It can turn the situation into a big battle.
^ TO TOP Five principles that encourage good behaviour
FIRST PRINCIPLE
Give positive attention
• Reward children for good behaviour.
• Praise and hugs and kisses are more effective than criticisms and punishments.
SECOND PRINCIPLE
Ignore minor misbehaviour
• Intervene only when the behaviour is really unacceptable or your child is in danger of getting hurt.
• Your child won’t listen if they feel they are constantly getting told off.
THIRD PRINCIPLE
Make sure your child understands what you mean by ‘bad’ behaviour
• Explain the behaviour you want in words they can understand.
• Don’t only focus on or explain the behaviour you don’t want.
FOURTH PRINCIPLE
Recognise that every child is different
• Your child has their own way of doing things and their own specific needs.
• Your child will develop at their own pace, and it will not necessarily be the same as the child next door or the other children in your family and whānau.
FIFTH PRINCIPLE
Your child won’t be well-behaved all the time
• All children make mistakes.
• Breaking rules or challenging your boundaries is part of your child’s development.
Where to go for help and more information
If you are concerned about your child’s behaviour, call Are You Okay, 0800 456 450.
Useful links
For additional information for parents see:
www.familyservices.govt.nz/skip/
www.occ.org.nz
Source for managing behaviour information: CPS, S.K.I.P and the Office of the Children’s Commissioner
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