Keep talking
Being a teenager can be great. But sometimes stuff happens than can make you feel awful. It helps to have people you can talk to outside your group of friends.
There are people you can call, and places you can go:
• You can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day. Or you can email or text Youthline anytime: talk@youthline.co.nz or 027 4968 847.
• You can also go to a youth centre. Check to see if there’s one near you. www.youthline.co.nz/Directory_of_Services_94.aspx
What happens when I call?
If you call Jigsaw or Youthline, you don’t have to give your name. We’re here to listen and help you figure out what’s going on. Your call is confidential. We will not contact anyone else unless there’s a serious risk someone might be hurt. We’re here to help!
All these services are here to help you – or any of your friends – anytime you feel you might need it.
Can you talk to:
• someone from your family/whanau like a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a brother or sister?
• someone in the community, like a teacher, someone else at school, a friend’s parent, a neighbour, or a counsellor?
‘It does help to talk’ – Ben
When you tell someone:
• keep talking to them until you feel safe about the situation that you’re in
• if you don’t think that they’re helping, tell someone else.
‘I tried to tell my music teacher what was going on at home. I didn’t know the right thing to say, and she didn’t listen. I had to go to someone else who did listen. It wasn’t till then that the abuse stopped, and things became easier.’ – Laura
^ TO TOP Safe surfing
The Net is great for a lot of things, but it can be dodgy. You can’t be sure of who you might be talking to, or who might be listening.
When you’re using the Net:
• Don’t give out your last name, your address or phone number. Make up a name, or use a nickname.
• Don’t give out information about yourself. Don’t tell people what school you go to, what sports team you play for, or stuff like that. People can figure out who you are by your details.
• Think very hard before putting photos on the Net. Anyone can get hold of them and change them into something else.
• If you get a pornographic message, tell an adult.
Grooming is when people set up a young person as a victim of sexual abuse. See NetSafe for information on online grooming. www.netsafe.org.nz
Using your cellphone
Texting and using cellphones is convenient and easy. But if your number falls into the wrong hands, it can be horrible.
Some tips for cellphone users:
• Only give your number to your friends and family.
• If someone calls and you don’t recognise their number, don’t answer your phone.
• If you ever get a nasty message, show an adult.
If you get an offensive text:
• Don’t reply.
• Keep the message and show it to an adult – a parent, teacher, family friend, or anyone you trust.
• Don’ t keep it to yourself.
You can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day. Or you can email or text Youthline, anytime: talk@youthline.co.nz or 027 4968 847.
Your call is confidential. We will not contact anyone else unless there’s a serious risk someone might be hurt.
^ TO TOP Is something happening that’s making you feel bad?
Are people you care about hurting each other?
Do your parents or caregivers argue a lot? Or your Mum and her partner, your Dad and his partner? Everyone does argue sometimes. But if it happens a lot, it can be a real problem.
Do any of these things happen at your house? One person:
• puts the other person down a lot
• tries to stop the other one from doing things
• says they’ll hurt the other
• tries to hit or hurt the others.
This is abuse, and it’s really hard stuff to live with. If you answered yes to any of these, you need to tell someone about it. Living with abuse, even if it’s not happening to you directly, is not OK.
You can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day.
Your call is confidential. We will not contact anyone else unless there’s a serious risk someone might be hurt. We’re here to help!
Has anyone:
• Hurt you on purpose, maybe hit or kicked you?
• Threatened you, or kept calling you horrible names?
• Flashed you or made you look at sexual material when you didn’t want to?
• Touched or kissed you in a sexual way when you didn’t want them to?
Any one of these is abuse. Your body is yours, and you know what feels fine and what doesn’t. If something like this happens, it’s not your fault. You do need to talk to someone about it.
^ TO TOP Different types of abuse
Physical abuse is when someone hurts you physically. They might hit you, kick you, throw things or do anything trying to hurt you.
‘I got hidings from the vacuum cleaner, from broomsticks, from anything really. Mum slapped me too. I kept getting nosebleeds. She told me it was because I was ‘hot-blooded’ and angry’. – Sarah Emotional abuse is when you are emotionally hurt. This can happen when adults put you down or keep calling you names. It can happen when you have been abused in other ways. It can also happen when there is trouble at home that you are not necessarily a part of, like your parents fighting all the time.
‘I heard him yelling at her that I was useless and lazy.’ – Chris Sexual abuse is when someone makes you look at, or do sexual things. An adult might make you look at pornography, or ask you to undress, or touch you in a sexual way. An adult might flash you, or force you to have sex, or make you touch them in a sexual way.
‘When I was 12, my dad took photos of us when we didn’t have any clothes on. We had no idea that this wasn’t OK. You don’t know it’s wrong when the people you really trust say it’s right.’ – Em Neglect is when you are not getting what you need at home. You may not get enough food, clothes or medical attention when you need it.
‘Being on the street was better than being at home.’ – Greg Any kind of abuse is really hard to deal with.
Some people have said that they felt ‘scared’, ‘alone’, ‘confused’, ‘angry’, ‘guilty’ or ‘ashamed’.
Abuse can be really confusing:
‘My Mum’s boyfriend sexually abused me when I was 13. It was awful because I didn’t want him to but sometimes it felt good. That made me feel real guilty.’ – Marcia
‘I knew my little sister was being abused. I felt really bad, but I didn’t know what to do.’ – Tama
Abuse is never OK. It is never the young person’s fault. But you do need to speak out.
You can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day. Or you can email or text Youthline, anytime: talk@youthline.co.nz or 027 4968 847.
Your call is confidential. We will not contact anyone else unless there’s a serious risk someone might be hurt.
^ TO TOP Are you being bullied?
Has anyone done any of these things:
• Called you names?
• Teased you?
• Made things up to get you into trouble?
• Excluded you from activities?
• Said or written horrible things about you?
• Sent you offensive texts, emails or messages online?
• Taken or damaged your things?
• Hit, kicked or hurt you in any way?
• Threatened you?
This is bullying. No one deserves to be bullied.
Bullying can make you feel scared, upset, angry, or ashamed. But it’s not your fault. You didn’t ask to be bullied! No one has the right to be awful to you.
Can you talk to:
• someone from your family/whanau like a parent, a grandparent, an aunt or uncle, or a brother or sister?
• someone in the community, like a teacher, someone else at school, a friend’s parent, a neighbour, or a counsellor?
When you are being bullied:
1. If you can, spend time around other people. It’s harder for a bully to get at you if you’re in a group
2. Try to ignore the bully. Act as though they’re not upsetting you. Bullies expect you to get upset. If you ignore them, they might stop.
3. Don’t try getting them back. You’ll just make the situation worse. If you do, they will just want to get back at you.
Are you being bullied on the Net?
If you get an offensive message or picture by email:
• Don’t reply.
• Save or print out the message, so you have evidence.
• Show an adult – a parent, teacher, family friend, or anyone who you trust.
• If anything online makes you feel uncomfortable, talk to an adult. Don’t keep it to yourself.
You can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day. Or you can email or text Youthline, anytime: talk@youthline.co.nz or 027 4968 847.
Your call is confidential. We will not contact anyone else unless there’s a serious risk someone might be hurt.
FAQs
Q. What if a friend tells me about this stuff?
A. Encourage them to talk to an adult about it. Can they speak to someone from school, or in their family? Would they talk to a neighbour, a counsellor, or someone from your family? Tell them they can call us on 0800 228 737, from Monday to Friday, 9am-5pm. Or they can call Youthline on 0800 37 66 33, anytime, 24 hours a day. They can also email Youthline: talk@youthline.co.nz or text 027 4968 847.
If you’re worried about your friend, talk to an adult yourself. Or give us, or Youthline a call for some suggestions. You don’t need to give your name, or your friend’s.
Q. Who is an abuser?
A. Anyone can abuse. It might be a dad, a mum, a caregiver, a brother or sister, a step dad or step mum. It could be an uncle or aunt, or a family friend. A man can abuse a woman or another man. A woman can abuse a man or another woman. No matter what the circumstances, abuse is never OK.
Q. What if it only happened once?
A. It doesn’t matter. You still need to talk to someone about it.
Q. What if I’m having trouble talking about it?
A. There are a few reasons you might not want to tell anyone.
The person who is hurting you may have told you not to tell. They might say it’s your fault, that no one would believe you, or that they’ll hurt you if you tell. Don’t listen to them. They are just trying to scare you, because they know what they’re doing is wrong. You need to talk to someone now.
You might not want to dob in the person who’s doing it. But you’re not doing anything wrong; it’s them that are in the wrong. It’s really important you talk to someone so that you can stop what’s happening. You have a right to be safe.
You might have trouble putting it into words. Try to write to someone about it. Remember that you have choices.
Q. What if I’m scared of breaking up the family?
A. It’s scary when you think that your family might break up. But if there’s abuse going on, you need to do something about it. It’s not your fault at all. If you want to talk about what might happen if you tell someone, you can talk to us about it. You don’t have to give your name.
^ TOP TOP Useful links
The Urge website includes all sorts of stuff about being a teenager: www.urge.co.nz
Child, Youth and Family (CYFS) has a teenager page that includes information and links about your legal rights: www.cyf.govt.nz/Teenager.htm
Youthline: www.youthline.co.nz/Connect_with_us_70.aspx
NetSafe has a section for young adults: www.netsafe.org.nz/youngadults/youngadults_default.aspx
New Zealand site about bullying: www.nobully.org.nz/kids.htm
Australian site about abuse: www.burstingthebubble.com |
